MORE METAAAALLLLL

I was looking through my last post, and I saw that I mispelled "Pantera" as "Panera," which is really funny. In an totally unrelated Pantera note, I watched some old "Beavis and Butthead" episodes the other day, and there was a funny Pantera video. Beavis and Butthead looved Pantera. Beavis goes on a long riff about how "Pantera's dad must have really kicked his ass. . . DON'T TALK LIKE THAT TO YOUR SISTER PANTERA! TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE PANTERA!"

Mike Judge is a genius.

While I'm all full of metal, I thought I'd list my ten favorite favorite metal bands. I'm kinda thinking through my "metal triad" idea, and I thought it'd be fun. Also, lists are fun. Well, they are fun to make anyway. . .


1. Slayer- definately on the METAL part of the triad. In fact, they pretty much define the METAL part of the triad. Atonal, brutal thrash metal with lyrics about murder, war, and Satan. Intense enough to fool people who don't know better that it's death metal, but it really, really isn't. It's as dense and brutal as that, but not quite the same thing.

Slayer is kinda like blues. They do variations of the same thing every time, but they put enough new spin on it to make it new. And nobody has more raw brutality in their sound as Slayer. This is mostly because they have a really, really, great drummer (Dave Lombardo) who can accent a beat in ways that are uncomfortable and exciting instead of the typical Death Metal bludgeon fest.

Bludgioning is okay too, but it's less cool that what Dave Lombardo does.


2. Mastodon- Metal with punk sprinkles. Sludgy wads of racket mixed with proggy bombast. Bottomless waves of cool. And another GREAT Drummer. Braun Daillor seems to be playing drum rolls all the time, which is generally a stupid idea, but he's Braun Daillor, so it works fine.


3. Pig Destroyer- punk metal with METAL sprinkles. Imagine having someone drill a hole in the back of your head while they sexually molest you. That's kinda the effect these guys are going for. RAAAAAAAAAAOORODOOAOAOEODOOAOOEO!!!!!!!!!!!!

On a more serious note, the guitar dude from this band, Scott Hull, has several grindcore bands he's been associated with over the years, most of which have heavy "obvoxious prank" overtures, but this is his "serious band." It's pretty scary sounding stuff. Completely great. They don't tour much, as Scott Hull has a day job. I really wish they'd get out to Iowa.

4. Entombed- METAL with odd flirtations with everything you can imagine. Hyper influential Swedish Death Metal band that started when the dudes were teenagers and has gone on to a long, diverse career. Some of the detours they've made haven't really been particularly productive, but their best stuff is as good as it gets. Their first three records are as good as Metallica's first three records.

5. Emporer- METAL. Norweigan black metal at its best. Sounds like a jackhammer at first, but sounds like a symphony when you get used to it.

6. Meshuggah- METAL. Complicated experiements with time signatures with convoluted lyrics about humanity merging with technology played with the greatest possible brutality. "DETROY ERASE IMPROOVVEE!!!"

One of my intellectual interests is postmodern science studies. Meshuggah is kinda interested in the same things I am, but they yell a lot.

Also, they play detuned EIGHT STRING guitars. Roar.

7. Metallica- METAL with mainstream metal sprinkles- thrash metal that evolved into mainsteam metal/alternative rock. There first three albums are essential. After that, the records got spottier while they flirted with mainstream rock. I'm not in the "those fucker's sold out" camp actually. I think it's fine that they fooled around with alternative rock and classic rock since I get the idea that they sincerely like that stuff, and they had kinda defined a certain school of proggy thrash metal during the eighties. After you make "Master of Puppets," you gotta branch out. I'm really glad that they made "Death Magnetic" though. James Hetfield's vocal melodies are underrated, and the new record really shows off the best of the "more sophicated songwritery" side with some good old thrash metal kicks.

"Load" really is pretty bad though. I liked it when it came out for some reason. I do rather like "Until it Sleeps," although it's be better if Chris Cornell sang it.


8. Satyricon- METAL. Old school Norweigian black metal that evolved into a groovier mainsteam meatl band.


9. Cephalic Carnage- punk metal/ METAL- These guys are really, really brutal and heavy, but really, really funny. You can't ever tell what's serious and what's goofy, but it's all fun. And really, really heavy.


10. I'll save this spot for the progressive U.S. black metal underground. Wolves in the Throne Room, Xasthur, and Nachtmystium are pretty much where it's at right now. Really, really smart guys playing atmospheric, staticy music that is oddly pretty.

Wolves in the Throne Room have one of the more intelletent and serious takes on religion and neo-Paganism in metal. Lots of bands sing about that stuff, but these guys are worth taking a little more seriously. Their music is really pretty if you are used to black metal.